I just ate a whole bag of goldfish omg
THE GOLDFISH CRACKERS NOT ACTUAL LIVE GOLDFISH
i don’t think anyone thought you meant live goldfish
ur stories suckt binch
dont say that he just died
when ur tryin to tell a story but people talk over you
paper planes || m.i.a.
pirate skulls and bones
sticks and stones and weed and bombs
running when we hit ‘em
lethal poison for the system
this speaks to me on a spiritual level.
I’m so wet
At Stanford there was this Professor who was a total bitch and she taught British Literature, which was cool. Except she taught only her opinions of the books and it didn’t help me as a writer. I went to school to learn new things to improve my craft, not have someone else’s opinions carved onto my forehead.
So anyway, for our final project, she asked us to write a ten page paper on why the color symbolism in Othello was so significant. I did some research and it turned out that she did her entire graduate thesis on this very subject. I was mad. This wasn’t teaching, this was boosting her ego. SO I wrote a ten page essay on why color symbolism in Othello wasn’t significant, satirizing it to the point of no return, saying that her opinion was an opinion and shouldn’t be taken seriously.
SHe failed me, needless to say. So in retaliation, I responded by baking a batch of brownies laced with weed and laxatives and delivered them myself to the professor hours before her big graduation speech. I told her that it was a peace offering, my way of apologizing and asking if I could do anything to fix my grade.
She refused to fix my grade.
In the end, she shit herself on stage.
I didn’t regret it.
when life gives you lemons what do you do
DONT MAKE LEMONADE
MAKE LIFE TAKE THE LEMONS BACK!
I DONT WANT YOUR DAMN LEMONS WHAT IM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE?
DEMAND TO SEE LIFES MANAGER. MAKE LIFE RUE THE DAY IT THOUGHT IT COULD GIVE, *CAVE JOHNSON* LEMONS.
DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!
IM THE MAN WHOS GONNA BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN, WITH THE LEMONS!
IM GONNA GET MY ENGINEERS TO INVENT A COMBUSTIBLE LEMON THAT’LL BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN.